Too Late For This Heart To Recover

What makes me angrier is that mom would do anything for my brother. She is ready to make it all white and clean with me just so that brother won't sense any family issues... This makes me really miserable... My tears are so blunt, they keep falling without a signal... Why is it that I'm not as important as he is? I'm so jealous I can cut myself with my claws... Every time she torments me I decide that I'm better off without her. But COME ONE! She's My Mother! I can't just not communicate with her, what would God think about me?! That I'm nothing more but a selfish jerk that has to go to hell, and furthermore, to deep hell?! Burn lil girl! Burn and taste the consequences of your actions! That's what you get for acting so high and mighty towards your own mother!
I don't know what to do! She keeps haunting me! I'm really sad, why does she do that?! Why can't she understand that her lil girl is not only made of some flesh and bones... I have a heart that is more than tired of this life... Sometimes it beats and other times it takes some rest... It's getting smaller with time, because my dear mom it's starting to give up on you and the life you're in. My dear mom, this heart remembers all the words of encouragements you have given, it wants to beat faster and grow healthier, but then my dear mom, it starts to remember that what you did was just the opposite of what you said, that's why it's giving up. My dear mom it's too late for this heart to recover...

3 thoughts:

Faith said...
June 16, 2010 at 5:15 AM

Your mom loves you. Be patient with her.

H said...
June 19, 2010 at 7:45 AM

hmmm what do you mean by haunting ?

Darling you have to keep in mind that she is your mother .. try to go out with her .. go shopping go to watch a movie or go to a wedding with her

you have to approach her, even if she did not that does not mean that she does not like you.. show her what you are good at.. when u wak up or b4 u go to sleep kiss her on her cheek and hug her..

you have to thanks god that you have a mother, some people have a mother and she is like doesn't exist

xo,
H

RainDrop said...
June 20, 2010 at 8:20 AM

I know exactly how u feel, i've been thru this so many times myself.

My mom used to scold me if my sis made a mistake, and my sis would walk out of it as if she did nothing at all..

I even hated her at some points. BUT .. I didnt let hal feeling over come me.. I ignored, and ignore and ignored. I had an amazing year with her. When my sis decided to ignore mom and be a bitch with her. Yes, ud say what a substitute.. but I thank God for that year. It was amazing!

My mom told me she regrets nothing more than having me. I'm her eldest.. So, imagine how that might feel. Right now, she's so not supporting me with my problems. She's siding with my husband. Why? cuz he's her lil angel of a nephew. Who am i? her daughter.. BAS.. :)

I love mom, but i stopped expecting things from her.

For the two comments above. I did all that u said, i was patient, i cared when no one else did, i went out with her "she says am the best shopping companion cuz i dont demand anything for myself", I sat with her, i talked, i went out, i wouldn't eat unless she was there, i did all that and more.. But that doesnt change the fact that i come last in her heart. Yes she says good things about me once in a while, but if one of my sisters or brothers hurt me, ana el '3al6aneh ow she wont talk to me for at least a week.. i got used to it, fa i started ignoring

id advice u to do the same. Ignore is the key. Be good, ir'9y '9ameerech, ow just live ur life.


LOVE U! XX

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