Never Mend Again

I've been thinking lately to talk with a psychologist...
Or a psychiatrist...
Whatever you wanna call it...
I need a solution with my mother...
I literally can't take it in anymore...
I feel like bursting like popcorn...
Sometimes at night I wake up for no reason...
And I just can't sleep again...
Because when I try, all my brain does is think about mom...
I'm in deep mess...
She even told me not to call her 'Mom'...
I can't imagine the reasons that would make a mother act in this way with her children...
There simply are no reasons...
She always points out that I'm the one who is mistaken...
I realized she never blamed herself for anything...
I wish something will make her heart less frozen and cold...
Perhaps me dying would make her warmer and motherly...
She's ruthless... Merciless... Brutal...
I'll never recover, and my heart will never mend again...