Too Late For This Heart To Recover

What makes me angrier is that mom would do anything for my brother. She is ready to make it all white and clean with me just so that brother won't sense any family issues... This makes me really miserable... My tears are so blunt, they keep falling without a signal... Why is it that I'm not as important as he is? I'm so jealous I can cut myself with my claws... Every time she torments me I decide that I'm better off without her. But COME ONE! She's My Mother! I can't just not communicate with her, what would God think about me?! That I'm nothing more but a selfish jerk that has to go to hell, and furthermore, to deep hell?! Burn lil girl! Burn and taste the consequences of your actions! That's what you get for acting so high and mighty towards your own mother!
I don't know what to do! She keeps haunting me! I'm really sad, why does she do that?! Why can't she understand that her lil girl is not only made of some flesh and bones... I have a heart that is more than tired of this life... Sometimes it beats and other times it takes some rest... It's getting smaller with time, because my dear mom it's starting to give up on you and the life you're in. My dear mom, this heart remembers all the words of encouragements you have given, it wants to beat faster and grow healthier, but then my dear mom, it starts to remember that what you did was just the opposite of what you said, that's why it's giving up. My dear mom it's too late for this heart to recover...