When It's My Turn, There's Nobody Around...

Every time my so called 'friends' would get into problems, get confused emotionally, or get disturbed mentally, I - and only me - would be the one to give them directions, try solving those puzzles, and even - at least - lend them my ears for hours.. and sometimes days.. well, one of them 4 years.. They'd be so overwhelmed with my grace... They'd start thanking me, and tell me they're indebted to me... and keep in touch for a week or two...
However, when it's my turn to get the support I need, suddenly there's no one around... Not even an ant... I couldn't hear but my heart breaking and falling... It would make me sad to a point where I start to hate myself... I can't remember a day when my friends threw a surprise party for me... I can't remember a day when they'd play April Fools on me... I can't remember when was the last time one of my friends would call me to hang out with me... Sometimes when all my close friends would gather together and I'm left behind, I feel like ripping myself apart... I can't understand... Why me?! I have no clue what so ever...
Can you imagine that the person who declared to everybody surrounding her that I'm her best friend didn't even text me to ask about me since 3 or 4 weeks... Am I the only loyal person around? My younger sister told me to forget her... But I can't, we're besties since 6 years... Sometimes I would feel a bit of hatred towards her neglectfulness...
People were created to need each other... We need a third ear... We need attention... We need love... We need a social life... Sometimes my sadness makes me want to curse everything around me... Even atoms... and electrons... For some reason I don't know about, when it's my turn, there's nobody around...

3 thoughts:

Chinese Eyes said...
May 3, 2009 at 2:09 PM

OMG YESS! I know this feeling, I'd comfort them and talk them into their problems, trying to solve things for them, make it better, cheer them up, entertain them, talk them into doing the right thing. I'd just sit there when they're lonely or down. Invite myself to their place when I know something wrong. But yes when it comes to me, its just not the same.

Maitha* said...
May 3, 2009 at 7:01 PM

You sound like an amazing friend, just by reading your post. Then you deserve the same friendship if not better given right back at you.

The only thing I can say, is tell your friend how you feel and wait for a reaction, if you don't get one then shes not worth you're friendship.

MIB said...
June 6, 2009 at 1:01 PM

yeah, unfortunately..thats how the world is...
these people usually realize your worth when its too late. As the saying goes: you don't miss the water 'til the well runs dry..

The best thing to do is eradicate those expectations. If you won't have any, you won't face any crushed hopes. My Mom always says something to me which I hold of great value: live in this world as if you own no heart; that way, no one will ever be able to break it. This doesn't mean become cruel and heartless yourself; on the contrary, it means do all the good you can, even if its just going to 'drown in the dark sea' of cruelty and harshness...

And most importantly, if you need someone to hear you out, this stranger is willing to lend you an ear, and perhaps a shoulder to cry on =)

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