Embrace Me With Your All, Be Ready To Give It All

Next time you see me, let your heart skip a beat.
See my soul through my eyes, talk to me with no sound.
Know that I AM that person you desire.
I AM that fantasy, that reality.
I AM your air, your water, and your Earth.
I AM that land of peace, love, and happiness.
Touch my hands, feel my warm blood.
Rub my head, smell my hair, and kiss my forehead.
Next time you see me, lose your mind.
Travel to lalaland, skip in the world of butterflies.
Know that I AM your drug, your only medication.
Embrace me with your all, be ready to give it all.

Mommy Let Me Fly

Mommy let me fly...
You broke my wings, what else do you want?
That is not a good way to protect your offspring...
Let me go out there, make mistakes, learn, and grow...
I want to experience life mom...
I want to fall in love like any other bird...
Stop pushing me to the corner...
Stop pushing people away from me...
I want to be touched, felt, and dreamt about...
Stop pulling me away from the outside world...
Mommy I have dreams...
Very colorful ones...
Don't take them away from me...
I have nothing else to grab onto...
I want to go out there have friends and plant trees...
I want to do something for this world mom...
I wasn't born just to eat and sleep...
I can't take without giving something back...
Mommy take me to the doctor...
Let the doctor fix my wings...
I need to fly mom...
I need to experience life mom...
Mommy let me fly...

Please Don't Break My Heart Again

Please don't break my heart again...
Every time you break my heart,
I take a lot of time trying to collect all the pieces,
and then try to mend them back together...
Please don't break my heart again...
This time if you do, I might break forever...
I might even stop existing anymore...
Please don't break my heart again...
I'm too tired to feel anymore pain,
these sad little chambers pump with agony...
I don't want to suffer anymore,
I don't want to hurt and ache anymore...
Please don't break my heart again...
I know you will, but I just don't want to think about it...
For I hold great love for you and your presence...
Don't do that thing you always do,
Getting angry and start doing things you regret later on...
Please don't break my heart again...

Never Mend Again

I've been thinking lately to talk with a psychologist...
Or a psychiatrist...
Whatever you wanna call it...
I need a solution with my mother...
I literally can't take it in anymore...
I feel like bursting like popcorn...
Sometimes at night I wake up for no reason...
And I just can't sleep again...
Because when I try, all my brain does is think about mom...
I'm in deep mess...
She even told me not to call her 'Mom'...
I can't imagine the reasons that would make a mother act in this way with her children...
There simply are no reasons...
She always points out that I'm the one who is mistaken...
I realized she never blamed herself for anything...
I wish something will make her heart less frozen and cold...
Perhaps me dying would make her warmer and motherly...
She's ruthless... Merciless... Brutal...
I'll never recover, and my heart will never mend again...

Walls Are Still Up

Sometimes we build walls to see who cares enough to break these walls down...
But when days, weeks, and months pass by, and the wall is still up, you just feel so unwanted and blue.
That is exactly how I feel.
It really breaks my heart to see that no one cares enough to break them down.
It makes me feel unwanted, rejected, undesirable, and useless.
It makes me believe that even if I died it wouldn't matter to anyone.
It's like I'm living this life uselessly.
Is it because maybe perhaps I'm stubborn, or obsessed with testing people?!
I don't think so... Even if I do it in my head, I don't really show it externally...
So, if you put yourself in my place, what would you do?
I think you would've committed suicide long ago.

You Make Me Stutter When I Talk

I still remember the first time we saw each other...
We sat facing each other in a group discussion...
I did not really notice you...
I did not notice your sneaky stares...
Until one day you approached me...
You stood in front of me smiling...
And suddenly my heart gave a huge powerful beat...
I was heated up, and all the blood gathered in my cheeks...
And as soon as I took my eyes off yours, I couldn't sit still...
You made me discover a new world...
One which made me see everything pretty, sweet, and happy...
You told me stories with no words...
You exposed yourself to me with many stories I read through your eyes...
You made it really easy for me to understand you...
And I made it really hard for you to understand me...
You tried to unlock that metal box I kept my heart in...
And for someone like you, that really wasn't difficult...
You make me stutter when I talk...
Blush when I'm silent...
And self-conscious when I walk...
You let that little girl just come out dancing...

Leave Me ALONE!

Everyone's been so harsh on me lately...
I spend a lot of time thinking of how to please my family,
in return of my favor I got stabs all over me, not only on my back...
My heart feels so ill, tired, and miserable.
I can feel the arrhythmias occurring with every beat.
I'm holding my tears... I can't afford them falling...
It's been a long time since I was this weak,
I can remember the feeling of being so weak like it was yesterday,
and I know I do not want to experience that all over again...
Holding myself back, anger arises and I just feel like cursing...
But I won't, I can't curse, because sadly they are the most precious people...
I feel so agonized, my brain hurts from all the thinking...
My eyes are flaming, but I don't want to break again,
because fixing myself is really difficult...
Every time I build myself, someone I love will come to destroy me...
Just leave me ALONE!!! I don't need anymore drama!
I've had enough!

Hopeless

I seriously think that one day I'll end up waking breathless, crazy, and with no sense of direction... I even think I'll end up in a maniac hospital with no hope of returning home... Yes, I'm losing it, slowly, slowly... My nerve cells are fading... Why? I wish it was physiological, but no, it's psychological...
So who's behind all this mess? I think you've guessed right... That same old person... That abusive same old person... That selfish same old person... That irritating same old person... Mother, you're killing your own daughter... You're metaphorically holding a hammer and squashing her skull and brain... Mother, I LOVE you and I HATE you at the same time... I love you for the old nice memories you've given me... I hate you for making me lose control over everything... Do you really enjoy seeing me in this mess? Do you really think what you're doing is going to help? Did you ever consider that this is only making things worse?! Do you even think at all?!
I seriously just want to grab any close dagger and stab myself straight into my heart, or hold a pistol and point to my brain then shoot... Every time, Mother, when you put me in these situations, I'd end up under my blanket with my room locked shedding all those heated up tears... But you know, Mother, things aren't the same anymore, back then I had some sense left somewhere in my head, now, not anymore... I don't even feel like crying... I don't even think crying would make me feel any better like before... It's really different this time... This time I feel like my feelings were snatched away... I don't think I'll find them anymore...
Now I know what 'hopeless' means...

A Bit Brighter, & Darker

This heart is so passionate...
So complicated.. So troubled...
So childish.. So mature..
Feelings mixed with other feelings...
Why should I get so troubled with such feelings...
If this heart was apathetic, then my life would make more sense...
All my thoughts, are driven out by this heart...
This little organ that keeps beating with all its power..
This little thing that strives for life...
This tiny flesh that started wars and made peace...
This pacemaker that fights for love and is fought for...
It's just something that makes this universe a bit brighter..
And a bit darker...

It's Happening Anyways

I try to save her
She wants to drown even more
I give up on her
She's going too far
I try to reach her hands again
She slips away like water
I love her
She loves me
I try to take her pain away
She loves feeling pain
I'm lost and hurt and in pain
She does not even ask
I'm too kind
She's too cruel
I fainted today in the shower
She does not ask if I'm feeling well
I'm neutral
She's going down
I don't want to see that
It's happening anyways