A friend you are... A heartless brat you are, too... even though you're both, I forgive you... For I love how you speak, react to things, and smile... I need you to prove to me you're still my friend... For I can't imagine a future without you... I can't afford losing you... You are important to me... You are one of a kind... You are what every person would want to see in a friend...
Whenever there's a feeling of someone trying to snatch you away, my childish feelings get triggered, and my jealous heart would get angry... I don't want to share you with anyone... Just let me be selfish... Just this time... And I promise you won't regret...
I need to see you daily, or else my eyes would get moisty... I need to tell you my secrets... I need to feel your care... I'm hiding my grief, and lowering my head when you're not around... My vocal cords are weak... I need them to get stronger... I don't want them to fear your presence... I love you for being a perfect person... Yes, you are perfect... For me... and to me...
When It's My Turn, There's Nobody Around...
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Every time my so called 'friends' would get into problems, get confused emotionally, or get disturbed mentally, I - and only me - would be the one to give them directions, try solving those puzzles, and even - at least - lend them my ears for hours.. and sometimes days.. well, one of them 4 years.. They'd be so overwhelmed with my grace... They'd start thanking me, and tell me they're indebted to me... and keep in touch for a week or two...
However, when it's my turn to get the support I need, suddenly there's no one around... Not even an ant... I couldn't hear but my heart breaking and falling... It would make me sad to a point where I start to hate myself... I can't remember a day when my friends threw a surprise party for me... I can't remember a day when they'd play April Fools on me... I can't remember when was the last time one of my friends would call me to hang out with me... Sometimes when all my close friends would gather together and I'm left behind, I feel like ripping myself apart... I can't understand... Why me?! I have no clue what so ever...
Can you imagine that the person who declared to everybody surrounding her that I'm her best friend didn't even text me to ask about me since 3 or 4 weeks... Am I the only loyal person around? My younger sister told me to forget her... But I can't, we're besties since 6 years... Sometimes I would feel a bit of hatred towards her neglectfulness...
People were created to need each other... We need a third ear... We need attention... We need love... We need a social life... Sometimes my sadness makes me want to curse everything around me... Even atoms... and electrons... For some reason I don't know about, when it's my turn, there's nobody around...
However, when it's my turn to get the support I need, suddenly there's no one around... Not even an ant... I couldn't hear but my heart breaking and falling... It would make me sad to a point where I start to hate myself... I can't remember a day when my friends threw a surprise party for me... I can't remember a day when they'd play April Fools on me... I can't remember when was the last time one of my friends would call me to hang out with me... Sometimes when all my close friends would gather together and I'm left behind, I feel like ripping myself apart... I can't understand... Why me?! I have no clue what so ever...
Can you imagine that the person who declared to everybody surrounding her that I'm her best friend didn't even text me to ask about me since 3 or 4 weeks... Am I the only loyal person around? My younger sister told me to forget her... But I can't, we're besties since 6 years... Sometimes I would feel a bit of hatred towards her neglectfulness...
People were created to need each other... We need a third ear... We need attention... We need love... We need a social life... Sometimes my sadness makes me want to curse everything around me... Even atoms... and electrons... For some reason I don't know about, when it's my turn, there's nobody around...
You Destroyed Me, Myself, and I
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You have broken me several times... You have squeezed happiness out of my heart... You have cast a spell on my brain; making it think negatively... You have widened my thoughts of despair... I have fought myself, all because of you... I have started war with my eyes... I have sworn I won't stop my tears from falling after losing that war... I have lost hope in my friends, and made them lose me... I started living for the shadow of life... You had a great influence on me... You controlled my being... My doing... My thinking...
I have lost to you... Yes, you won... I have also vowed after losing to you that I would let this world suck out my feelings and emotions... I've been yearning for apathy and indifference... I lost my dreams... I don't want to bear children in my womb... I don't want to be attached to a man... I don't want to have the job I always dreamed of... I don't want to own the things I dreamed about... I have lost the taste of life... Life has turned frivolous and tasteless...
Should I thank you, or should I curse you??? You have been so inconsiderable to me... You have been so selfish... You have been greedy and avid... You're felonious, sinistrous, unholy, and wicked... You ruined me... You have put me through tornadoes and hurricanes... You've made me a puppet in a puppet show... You destroyed me, myself, and I...
Finally, I have no desire in life, and I have no wish except for one... And that wish is my only desire in life... I wish you'd go through all the things I've been through, taste every bitter taste I've tried, and shed every tear I've dropped from all the anguish and torment in your heart... And Good Luck in that...
I have lost to you... Yes, you won... I have also vowed after losing to you that I would let this world suck out my feelings and emotions... I've been yearning for apathy and indifference... I lost my dreams... I don't want to bear children in my womb... I don't want to be attached to a man... I don't want to have the job I always dreamed of... I don't want to own the things I dreamed about... I have lost the taste of life... Life has turned frivolous and tasteless...
Should I thank you, or should I curse you??? You have been so inconsiderable to me... You have been so selfish... You have been greedy and avid... You're felonious, sinistrous, unholy, and wicked... You ruined me... You have put me through tornadoes and hurricanes... You've made me a puppet in a puppet show... You destroyed me, myself, and I...
Finally, I have no desire in life, and I have no wish except for one... And that wish is my only desire in life... I wish you'd go through all the things I've been through, taste every bitter taste I've tried, and shed every tear I've dropped from all the anguish and torment in your heart... And Good Luck in that...
You're late... And I've gone...
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Mother...
Am I a bad person? Why am I sad? Why is my heart hurting a lot? Why can't my tears stop falling? Am I a bad person? Do I deserve this pain? It's hard to breathe...
Mother...
I'm really tired... Why can't I find you? Are you playing hide and seek? Then, I quit... I really need you right now...
Mother...
Why is it so dark? Even though the lights are on? What's the matter? Can you tell? I feel scared... Monsters might suck my soul...
Mother...
Save me from this darkness! Can't you feel my pain? As if my heart is bleeding! I bet the monsters found me! They got a grip on my soul... They're sucking every part of it...
Mother...
You're late... And I've gone...
Am I a bad person? Why am I sad? Why is my heart hurting a lot? Why can't my tears stop falling? Am I a bad person? Do I deserve this pain? It's hard to breathe...
Mother...
I'm really tired... Why can't I find you? Are you playing hide and seek? Then, I quit... I really need you right now...
Mother...
Why is it so dark? Even though the lights are on? What's the matter? Can you tell? I feel scared... Monsters might suck my soul...
Mother...
Save me from this darkness! Can't you feel my pain? As if my heart is bleeding! I bet the monsters found me! They got a grip on my soul... They're sucking every part of it...
Mother...
You're late... And I've gone...
And it's always not enough...
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Until this day, where parents agree that they're supposed to treat their boys and girls equally, do we find these parents carry more care for the male offspring. It breaks my heart to see such distant looks in my parents' eyes while talking to or about me. While I see how their eyes sparkle and widen when talking about my brothers. Why is it that I feel like I'm a burden to my parents? Everyday I feel it, and everytime I do, my heart squeezes harder and harder...
I think even my shouting won't do! What will do? I have no idea at all. I've been thinking and thinking deeply of how to be equal with my brothers in my parents' hearts... I can't endure it, for I love my parents so deeply, I can't see that they feel less towards me. I feel unwanted and pressured! It's stuck in my throat, I need to blurt it out! It's suffocating! Every beat squeezes a sour feeling through my veins; like I've been poisoned!
Long ago when my mother would feel so sad and miserable, I would be the only daughter that would comfort her and lend her my love, care, and power. I would make her feel the best mother. I would even make her think that there is yet more to life than just this sadness... She would be so pleased with me, and she would show me how thankful she is toward me... Yet all of this would disappear the next day... For her instinctive thoughts and feelings will bring her back to where we started... She would throw words - or stabs - on me about how I wronged my brothers, about how I don't deserve to live the way I do... She would just continue breaking my heart into pieces that can't be put together again... She makes me hate myself, the way I look, and the way I think...
My mother was the most person to break my heart so harshly... Actually, in this world, no one has ever thought of breaking my heart the way my mother did... The problem is that I can't stop loving her, because the more she hurts me the more I feel the need of a mother's passion, warmth, love, and care... And it's always not enough...
I think even my shouting won't do! What will do? I have no idea at all. I've been thinking and thinking deeply of how to be equal with my brothers in my parents' hearts... I can't endure it, for I love my parents so deeply, I can't see that they feel less towards me. I feel unwanted and pressured! It's stuck in my throat, I need to blurt it out! It's suffocating! Every beat squeezes a sour feeling through my veins; like I've been poisoned!
Long ago when my mother would feel so sad and miserable, I would be the only daughter that would comfort her and lend her my love, care, and power. I would make her feel the best mother. I would even make her think that there is yet more to life than just this sadness... She would be so pleased with me, and she would show me how thankful she is toward me... Yet all of this would disappear the next day... For her instinctive thoughts and feelings will bring her back to where we started... She would throw words - or stabs - on me about how I wronged my brothers, about how I don't deserve to live the way I do... She would just continue breaking my heart into pieces that can't be put together again... She makes me hate myself, the way I look, and the way I think...
My mother was the most person to break my heart so harshly... Actually, in this world, no one has ever thought of breaking my heart the way my mother did... The problem is that I can't stop loving her, because the more she hurts me the more I feel the need of a mother's passion, warmth, love, and care... And it's always not enough...
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