My Love is Overflowing

Look at me.. Look at what I have become.. Because of you, I can't hold myself anymore..
I try to hold my feelings..
I try to get a grip on them..
Furthermore! I try to put them all together in my heart, and zip my heart closed so that nothing can be revealed..
But my feelings are huge.. They're blasting!!
My love is overflowing.. I can't hold it anymore.. It's coming out with no control..
It's exposing and unmasking me..
No! I do not want you to notice!! Not right now!!
I feel coy and bashful!
Do not look at me!! Do not stare into my eyes!!
I know you can read my feelings, so STOP where you are...
Do not try to unlock this mystery..
I am forever bedazzled by your radiance and beam...

Enough is already Enough...

I've just cried wells of tears! My eyes are bloody red! My heart is a noisy drum!
I'm so tired!!! Emotionally... Mentally... & in all aspects...
I need my friends... my mom... my brother...
I'm so sad I can't take it no more!!!
I dunno what to do with my sadness it's making me crazy!!!
I've been lying to myself more than enough!!! It's making me blind!!!
I wanna scream so loud that people would go deaf!!!
No one seems to care... not even mom!!!
Feels like I wanna strangle myself and rip off my heart and squeeeeeze it so hard until it won't feel anything anymore...
I think I'm going mad!!! This is beyond my energy... I can't control it no more...
I wanna get lost in a rain-forest... or a jungle... and live happily there with Tarzan... or Mowkley...
I need to go back to nature and abandon this material world...
Even daily chores are getting harder...
I'm so burdened...
and sad...
& lonely...

I'm So Stupid

Sometimes, just randomly, I feel like crying for my friends... I think about their sorrows and how they try to walk forward in life with all the hardships. A sudden feeling of sadness covers my mind, and I just feel like crying silently for them...
I'm honestly so stupid... Did anyone ever think about my sorrows, troubles, or hardships and ever cry or feel like crying for me?! I mean seriously! Why do I spend so much time thinking about them while I do not even pass their minds except countable times a year?? Why do I need to carry around heavy memories of them, while they have already deleted the data about me from their minds?? I'm afraid one day I'll be a lonely being walking around unimpressed with the amusements of life...
First I have to cry for myself and for all the terrible things I've been through then think about those disloyal fellas that have played with my heart like they were playing Bowling or somethin'... I keep thinking that this life is just a game that I'm losing in... Where is that someone who will lend me a tough shoulder to lean and cry on... I'm not in the mood to be someone's charity case... I'm bailing out... Farewell selfish friends... Or should I say acquaintances?!

What I Learned Today

I learned that there are people I trusted my life into their hands would just throw that loyalty I thought they had straight into my face. At the beginning I thought they're kind, graceful, trustful, big-hearted, open minded, and understanding, but with time and specifically in some serious events, I came to understand that they wore masks that hid their real identity. They're a bunch of cunning, cruel, close minded, black hearted, disloyal, backstabbing, and ill natured people. It would take them more than a lifetime to change.

I Want To Be Hugged

Aroused by my feelings, I was finally awake...
My heart is alarmed and trembling...
Thoughts rushing my mind with no stop...
Brainstormed by idiotic imaginations...
I want to be hugged...
It feels as if just that would make me normal again...
My chest feels contracted...
My heart feels like it's getting tighter by the second...
I want my family members to call me...
I feel so distant and unimportant to them...
I want to be heard...
I want my friend to encourage me...
I want to be cheered up...
Where's everyone anyways?!
Why is it that I don't feel warm inside...
It's so cold...
Like it had just started snowing...
Yet my eyes feel so hot...
As if I just came out of a sauna room...
They're so moisty and heated up...
I want to fill that empty part in my heart...
At least one percent would be fine...

That's How Much I Love You

Yes... You may never understand it.. No matter how much you look into my eyes or listen to my words... You may never understand it... I love you so much... That's why I want to be of use to you... I want you to do your best, even in trivial matters... I want you to succeed... I want your heart to flutter with happiness every time you look at your accomplishments... That's because I love you so much... Yes... Your love that I carry brings my heart warmth... And a lot of satisfaction...
I don't want you to repeat the mistakes that I made... I want you to grow with a lot of confidence... And pride... I want you to be aware of the light that glows within you... I want you to shine and exceed the world... Yes... That's how much I love you... My most precious and most valuable best friend...

A Person Like That, For Me

I've always thought, if there was at least a 0.1% possibility for me, to have a person just for me.
Is there a person who would give his all just for my pleasure?
A person who would die instead of seeing my tears drop?
A person who would kiss the floor I walk on?
who would cherish every memory we had together?
who would worry about me constantly?
who would notice every detailed feature in my face?
who would think I look pretty even when I have a fever?
A person whom I would invade his thoughts continually?
A person who has a lot of desires but would keep them to himself so that I would be fine?
who would worry if my facial expressions changed suddenly?
who would fear the thought of me erasing him from my mind?
who would need nothing in life but me?
who's happiness comes from my happiness?
Is there really a person like that, for me?

Bring A Calm Day

Every time my heart feels the greatest you would come and force your sadness upon me. You know by heart that I love you greatly, that I can even 'die' for you; yet, you use these feelings to make me miserable. My heart is aching, and my tears are stuck in my eyes, not wanting to fall, refusing every way of being a victim again, trying so hard to make me stronger. I need you, I need your presence, and I need to hear your voice every once in a while. Would you stop torturing my innocent heart, for you have the absolute utter control over it. Please try to think wisely, and try to understand me. Try to have a warm heart that knows how to bring a calm day upon my turbulent life. I love you. And I won't stop loving you. Let me be clear about it.

For Me... & To Me...

A friend you are... A heartless brat you are, too... even though you're both, I forgive you... For I love how you speak, react to things, and smile... I need you to prove to me you're still my friend... For I can't imagine a future without you... I can't afford losing you... You are important to me... You are one of a kind... You are what every person would want to see in a friend...
Whenever there's a feeling of someone trying to snatch you away, my childish feelings get triggered, and my jealous heart would get angry... I don't want to share you with anyone... Just let me be selfish... Just this time... And I promise you won't regret...
I need to see you daily, or else my eyes would get moisty... I need to tell you my secrets... I need to feel your care... I'm hiding my grief, and lowering my head when you're not around... My vocal cords are weak... I need them to get stronger... I don't want them to fear your presence... I love you for being a perfect person... Yes, you are perfect... For me... and to me...

When It's My Turn, There's Nobody Around...

Every time my so called 'friends' would get into problems, get confused emotionally, or get disturbed mentally, I - and only me - would be the one to give them directions, try solving those puzzles, and even - at least - lend them my ears for hours.. and sometimes days.. well, one of them 4 years.. They'd be so overwhelmed with my grace... They'd start thanking me, and tell me they're indebted to me... and keep in touch for a week or two...
However, when it's my turn to get the support I need, suddenly there's no one around... Not even an ant... I couldn't hear but my heart breaking and falling... It would make me sad to a point where I start to hate myself... I can't remember a day when my friends threw a surprise party for me... I can't remember a day when they'd play April Fools on me... I can't remember when was the last time one of my friends would call me to hang out with me... Sometimes when all my close friends would gather together and I'm left behind, I feel like ripping myself apart... I can't understand... Why me?! I have no clue what so ever...
Can you imagine that the person who declared to everybody surrounding her that I'm her best friend didn't even text me to ask about me since 3 or 4 weeks... Am I the only loyal person around? My younger sister told me to forget her... But I can't, we're besties since 6 years... Sometimes I would feel a bit of hatred towards her neglectfulness...
People were created to need each other... We need a third ear... We need attention... We need love... We need a social life... Sometimes my sadness makes me want to curse everything around me... Even atoms... and electrons... For some reason I don't know about, when it's my turn, there's nobody around...